Invoke
by Flying Wings
Summary: Peek into the life of Maria in New York before she enterred Hanagumi and the struggle in her heart... A mere existence doesn't necessarily means life... Is hers an existence or life?
1. Taichou

Disclaimer: I don't own any Sakura Wars characters, even thought I want to. This is just a fanfic and please don't take it seriously.

Author's notes: This is going to be the first and perhaps the last Sakura Taisen fanfic I'll ever write. It is not because I love Sakura Taisen no more. It is just because I really have no time to write.

Thanks to shadow and Rachel, my betas. This is dedicated to them who really help me to beta read and ask for nothing in return. Thanks a lot.

This story starts after Maria has left Russia for the U.S. The time is just before Ayame invited her to join Hanagumi.

_Words in italics: Maria's thoughts._

**Prologue: **

"God, forgive me," said Maria Tachibana. She took out her locket from her shirt. She fell into deep thoughts again as she always did in the chapel. "Taichou." She took out her revolver. She wanted to finish herself off but then she dropped it. "Why was I so weak? I know it's my weakness that led to your death." Tears fell down her helpless face. 

**Chapter 1 Taichou**

_Will pain ever cease to conquer me? I want to let go of myself. Let go of me! _

"Kuzuar, Kuzuar, are you okay?" asked Pavlov who was holding his revolver. He was a Russian who had been fighting together with Maria in the revolution. He touched Maria's shoulder with his left hand. His hands were shaking.

"Yeh.. I'm alright. Pay attention and don't call me by that name again or you'll die!" Maria's face was as earnest as ever. 

"He's coming." She pulled out her revolver and straightened her body. She stared at the coming man and aimed her revolver at him. She fired and blood splashed out from his chest and he fell dead on the ground. 

"Good, that's it." She turned to leave. 

Pavlov took out a pen to write a journal on that. He was such a well-organized man. He had to write down everything that happened in that day. He wrote, "Today, Maria killed one of the leaders of the society of Spider with only one shot. Yesterday, she killed the head of the Party of Tiger with two shots. She's got some progress." He closed his notebook and left the other way Maria did.

_I'll be going on with this because this is what you want. I'll follow all your instructions, Taichou. I've got to become stronger because this is your will. _

Maria thought as she jumped from one building to the other. Far from the other side, someone was monitoring her with a pair of binoculars. "So this is her. Brilliant! That's exactly what I need." The person smiled with satisfaction.

"Taichou.." Tears forced their way out from Maria's eyes. Every time, she shot a bullet, she had always hoped that the bullet would go straight into her head. Life was more a curse than a blessing to her. The nightmare haunted her every night. 

Maria sat down on the roof of her home. The sun was setting. Gazing at the sunset, her mind floated back to Russia. _The revolution changed my life. Was it my fate? Why have you died? I should have joined you. "No! Maria Tachibana, you still have your tomorrow." Why did you say such kind of things? Without you, life is useless and meaningless to me. _

She took out her locket and glanced at the picture. Just a glance was enough to kill Maria's heart once again. This time, instead of gazing at it, she put it back inside her clothes. 

She descended from the window to her bedroom and took out the book "War and Peace". She scanned a few pages and put it away. She could not concentrate her mind. Promptly, she went to bed straight away. 

Where on earth could she ever find her blue bird? She closed her eyes but she could not sleep. She walked out to the balcony. The wind was kissing her gently. _How I wish you were with me this moment, Taichou. I know it's impossible. If only you were still alive, we could live happily together. Taichou.. _

"Shush!" A loud whistle disturbed her thoughts. It was Pavlov. Maria was living on the second floor of the apartment while Pavlov on the first. _Damn him! What the hell is he doing here?_ "What do you want?" Maria asked coldly. He remained silent. He took out a piece of paper and folded it into a plane. He threw the plane upwards and the plane landed beside Maria. 

She picked up the paper and read it. "Today, someone came to our pub to ask for you. Who is she? I've never seen her before." 

"The hell do I know! If you don't have anything important to say, I'm going to sleep. And don't ever disturb me again. Don't ever talk to me with such kind of nonsense. Otherwise, my next bullet will hit your head." Maria warned him, walking back to her bedroom.

"Why is she always so cold?" thought Pavlov. She was not even paying the least attention to Pavlov's words and finally went fast asleep.

Maria was again back to Russia. The wind was making cuts on her face like blades. There was a blizzard. No one was around. She was alone in the snow. With the rifle in her hands, she started to run. There was not the least sign of life. She was totally alone. She could not help running faster and faster. She could not stop herself as if something terrible was waiting for her in front. She ran and ran until she fell. She did not shed a tear. She scanned around only to discover that she was _really_ alone. Fear started to creep up her heart. 

"Taichou! Where are you?" she shouted to get an answer. Her voice was drowned by the wind. There was no reply. "Eventually, I'm alone." She sat down, hopelessly and helplessly waiting for her death. Just then, a warm hand touched her forehead. "Maria.."

"Taichou?" Maria grasped the hand and opened her eyes. She was sweating. "A dream?" To her disappointment, instead of seeing her dearest commander, Pavlov was beside her bed. In surprise, she threw away Pavlov's hand and pushed him away. As if by instinct, she pulled out her revolver from under her pillow and trained it on his forehead. "Derrmo! What the hell are you doing here and how did you come in? Answer me!" Maria growled as she loaded her gun.

Pavlov stiffened. For a moment or two, he was too shocked to move even a muscle. Without saying anything, he slowly walked to the door to Maria's bedroom. Maria was still aiming her revolver at him. 

He opened the door and replied, "You were screaming in your dream again. I just want to check if you're okay. As for unlocking your door, I learnt it when I was in Russia. You know it." As soon as he finished speaking, he slammed the door.

A bullet triggered off from the revolver. It just missed Pavlov's head. "Don't ever come into my room without my permission again! I won't need you!" scolded Maria as she shot the bullet. 

_What the hell! What have I done? What have I been doing since I came here? Is this really what I want? Why, why did you just leave me? I miss you, taichou. _Maria was confused. She could not help but buried her face in her hands sobbing again.

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Author's Notes: Kuzuar means Cassowary. This word originates from Russian. Kuzuar is the living legend in a battle. The harder the war is, the more powerful she becomes. That was exactly Maria. Though I really feel painful whenever she is called in that name, this word truly describe what Maria is in a war, especially with the demons. Her past is one of the things that make me sound a rapport with her. 

Yes, she trained her revolver on Pavlov's head. Do you still remember that in the game ST1, she scolded Ohgami for going to a lady's room and said that it was sort of nonsense? I've borrowed some idea from that.


	2. Interest

Disclaimer: I don't own any Sakura Wars characters, even thought I want to. However, I do own Pavlov. This is just a fanfic and please don't take it seriously.

Author's ntoe: I don't know whether I should continue to make Maria as cold as possible but she is so gentle. Anyway, some plot does not follow the game or the original plot of the story. Hopefully, you'll like it. Yes, your reviews! Doumo arigatou! That's all, enjoy~

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**Chapter 2 ****Interest**

"She'll come at about this time of the day," said the priest.

"Thanks so much. I'll just wait for her here then," said a woman wearing sunglasses politely. She heard the footsteps of somebody. She quickly hid away in a corner in the chapel. 

The steps drew nearer. Maria entered the chapel. She did not greet the priest. Neither did she notice that someone was hiding in the corner. As usual, she knelt down to pray. Again, she fixed her gaze at her locket. The woman took this into her eyes. It seemed that she was psychic. From watching what Maria was doing, she knew what was in Maria's head. 

As the woman prepared to go away, she sensed the abnormality of the atmosphere so did Maria. Maria put the locket back into her shirt and turned to look at her back. She could not believe her eyes. There was a demon. It had sharp claws and teeth. It had wings with some scales on them. It was not just a model. It was a living demon. The demon was flying at high speed towards the brown-hair woman.

O_h, God! What happens? She will be attacked! _Without hesitation, Maria pulled out her revolver from her pocket. She fired a few bullets but not even a hair of the demon was injured. 

_What's that? A real monster?_ The demon was made aware of Maria's existence. It landed on the floor of the chapel and stared at Maria. She was a bit afraid then. However, her face did not change, still as calm as ever.

She skilfully loaded the revolver and shot a few more bullets. Still, there was no effect on the demon. Maria looked pleadingly at the woman. She did not turn a hair. She muttered a word, "Concentrate." Maria closed her eyes and tried to concentrate.

However, when she was concentrating, another thought flashed up in her mind. _Well, I've always wanted to die. Why not just let it take away my life? Anyway, my heart has been buried with him. Taichou, I'll soon be with you.._

The woman was surprised that Maria made no reaction at all. She pulled off her sunglasses and put them in her pocket. The demon raised its claws upon Maria. The woman drew out her sword quickly from her back. She jumped high in the air. Its claws were less than one inch away from Maria then. She was dead in time to slash the demon into two before it could touch Maria. The demon gave out a painful cry and spilt into two halves. Soon, it became a mass of mucus on the floor.

Maria heard the dreadful cry and opened her eyes. _Again, I lived. Why am I always the one who lived? _Maria turned to face the altar and stared at the cross with Jesus. _Why? Why won't you let me die?_

"What is the reason that you must waste your talent and die? Why waste you life here while you can use your gift to save a city?" The woman said as she put on her sunglasses and went out of the chapel. Maria saw her leave. The woman's words aroused interest that she had not felt for a long time. 

_Can I? Can I really protect somebody? If I had been able to protect him, he would not have died. Do I really have the ability to protect somebody?_ She took out the locket from underneath her shirt. She gazed at the picture. "Do you think I do, Taichou?" Maria whispered. 

Out in the street, the woman looked back and saw that Maria was pondering about her words. She smiled secretly to herself and went on her way.__

_Am I really so cold-blooded? Do I really want to kill? I don't, do I? _Maria again fell into deep thought when she was waiting for Pavlov in an alley. 

Pavlov had been her partner since she went to New York. More precisely, he came before Maria did. She was always so cold to him. In return, he treated her quite well. She knew he did not treat her just as a friend but something more but she did not want to give him unnecessary hope. 

Pavlov arrived. "Why are you so early? You're usually later than I am," he said after he greeted Maria warmly. He did not seem to mind about what happened that morning.

Maria returned to reality as Pavlov spoke to her. "Today's going to be an unusual day," Maria replied as if she was in a dream.

"See, he's coming. Get ready, Maria," Pavlov urged her. Maria put her hand into the pocket to take out her revolver. She was half-way in the process but then she stopped. 

_Is this really what I want? Is this really what Taichou want me to be?_ She continuously asked herself this question. _No,_ _I don't! I don't and he doesn't want be to be like this. _At that moment, she seemed to see the phantom of her dearest commander smiling to her and then vanished. "No, I'm going. I won't do this anymore," Maria whispered to Pavlov.

"Why, Maria? You're so strange today. This is not you," asked Pavlov who was puzzled by Maria's strange action.

"No, you're absolutely talking to me -- Maria Tachibana and I mean what I have said," said Maria. She knew what she had said and she knew very well what she was doing. 

Pavlov could not believe what he had heard. In his mind, she was a cold but attractive girl. He thought that she would be capable of being a cold-blooded assassin. Never had he imagined that Maria would say something like that.

"You must be kidding, Maria," Pavlov said unbelievingly.

"No, I've told you. I meant what I have said," she replied with a determined expression. She turned away and left. Pavlov raised his gun and aimed at the man. **_"Bang!"_******Pavlov's gun dropped on the ground. He spun around. Maria was holding her revolver. She had shot his hand. "No, Pavlov, won't you just stop killing? Aren't you tired of it?" Maria snapped as she put her revolver back to her pocket.

"Maria, I thought.." stammered Pavlov as he massaged his painful hand.

"You'll never understand," Maria replied as she turned to leave. She was out of Pavlov's sight in less than a second.

*

That night, Maria went down to the pub. "Give me vodka, as usual," she said to the bartender. She turned to look around as she was waiting for her drink. She was surprised to find the brown-haired woman whom she met in the chapel that morning. She went over to the woman. The woman smiled secretly. She had anticipated finding Maria here. Maria did not notice the smile on the woman's face. She sat down beside the woman. The woman took the chance to speak to her.

"So you're still thinking about my question?" the woman asked her as she took her glass and sipped a bit of the wine in her glass.

"Well," Maria began but then the woman interrupted her.

"Your mother is Japanese, right?" the woman asked her, fixing her stare at the wine. It seemed that she did not care at all. In fact, she knew Maria's answer. Maria remained speechless for a moment. 

_She knows so much about me? Who is she? She does not seem to be just a woman who comes here just to drink. Why does she know so much about me? _"You know that? Well, what did you mean when you said that I can use my talent to protect a city? I don't understand," Maria asked her as she did not want to show that she was somehow scared by the woman. But the woman knew very well what Maria was thinking.__

"Don't you want to visit your mother's country and protect it?" said the woman. She paused, looking straight into her eyes. "In Teito, you'll have to face the enemies -- the demons that you saw this morning. Your talent and you will power is the essence that we need. I would like you to join us to protect the city," the woman said with pleading eyes.

_Okasan, should I go? I want to visit the city that you grew in. Then I have to break my promise with him. Taichou.._ "I'll have to leave here and go to Japan then? I've got to think about it," Maria said as she stood up, preparing to go home. "By the way, how can I find you?"

"I'll be in the chapel tomorrow morning. Come to find me if you have any conclusion. I haven't told you my name, have I? I'm Ayame Fujieda. Nice to meet you, Miss Tachibana." Ayame held out her hand to shake hands with her. 

Maria hesitated. "I don't know how you find out about me but hajimemasite, Fujieda-san. Sayonara," Maria said with a twisted smile on her face. Ayame was somehow taken aback by Maria.

"I forgot, I thought you won't speak in Japanese, Maria-kun." Ayame chuckled as she shook hands with Maria. Maria turned to leave. She was smiling to herself. For the first time a year after his death, she found some interest in life.

*

She went home, light-hearted. When she reached her apartment, she found that Pavlov was standing outside. 

_My goodness, what expression I should show him? I nearly shot him this morning and I** did** shoot him this afternoon!_

"Er.. Pavlov, you're waiting for somebody? I'll just go then." Maria said awkwardly.__

"Wait, Maria, I'm waiting for you," Pavlov was a bit nervous then. Maria stopped. _He's going to say some nonsense again. _

"Er.. you've got something to say?" Maria dared not look at him because she felt sorry for having shot him that afternoon.

"I.. I overheard your conversation with Miss Fujieda. You're not going to Japan, are you?" asked Pavlov. His voice was shaking.

"Well, I.."

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Author's notes: Hopefully, I've written what Maria really thought. I've read on the internet that some people do not really know what she is thinking. "Hajimemasite" means "nice to meet you" in Japanese. I think most of you know it already. Please pardon me for any mistakes that I made in the plot because I haven't watched the OVA2. Therefore, I don't know much about Valentinov but I assure you: Pavlov is not Valentinov. I feel sorry for any mistakes I have made and please tell me about that. Please review.


	3. Confession to Confrontation

Disclaimer: I don't own any Sakura Wars characters, even thought I want to. However, I do own Pavlov. This is just a fanfic and please don't take it seriously.

Author's notes: Great thanks to Linn-san. I would not have picked up the courage to post this without your support. Also, thank you dillian-san for you continuous review, douzo yoroshiku. I won't forget, of course, Maria, my dearest beta! Doumo arigatou, minna-san! I'll continue to work hard!

* * *

**Chapter3 Confession to Confrontation**

Maria hesitated. She has not thought about that yet. _How can I answer him? God! What can I say? Wait.._ "Mr. Hippolyte Pavlov, won't you just stop invading my privacy? I really hate that you're interfering my private affairs. If there is another time of it, I won't stand that. Good night."

Maria walked quickly away from Pavlov. However, Pavlov followed her close behind. "What now! Can't you just stop following me?" Maria was quite impatient then. She stopped and turned, facing Pavlov.

Pavlov held up his hands to ask her to calm down. "I haven't said what I want to say, Maria." He was blushing. He did not want Maria to see it so he lowered his head. Maria frowned. She already knew what he wanted to say. "Maria, ya tibya lyublyu, aishiteru." Pavlov said.

_He must have misunderstood the meaning of the phase. Of course! He doesn't know Japanese._ Before Maria could react, he kissed softly on her forehead._ He.. He.. kissed me.. He kissed me? He kissed me! How can he.. Taichou.._ Pavlov was waiting for her reply but Maria did not make any reply. Neither did she escape from him.

"Maria?" Pavlov called out softly. He was afraid that she would shoot him again. _Am I obliged to make a reply? Of course not! Just walk away, Maria Tachibana! Come on, before he does the same thing again! Go before you shoot him to death! _Maria failed to react as her heart told her to. She rubbed her forehead as if she was a child. She could not stop herself. Pavlov grasped her arms to stop her but she pushed him away. "You know, you don't need to say twice the same thing," She found her voice finally.

"I think you will feel much more familiar if I say in these two languages," he replied.

"When did you learn that?" Maria asked. She did not really want to ask him this. She just wanted to avoid answering him.

"It's not this that matters. It's your reply that really matters, Maria," Pavlov pleaded as he was eager to know her reply.

"I think you should have known my answer. I can't accept that, Pavlov," She said in a sobbing voice.

"Why not? I thought you know my attitude to you."

"There's no connection whether or not I knew it before," she replied coldly.

"But we've been living together since we came here.." Pavlov tried to make up a reason to make Maria accept him.

"Wait.. Mr Pavlov. We're _just_ living in the same house."

"Then why? Is it that you just despise me because I'm not as good as you are?" Now he just wanted to tease her.

"I don't have any prejudice on you except you are a little bit naive."

"I don't understand. You can't even give yourself a _good_ reason to reject me, can you? You don't have a reason of rejecting me!"

"Da! Da! Da! Ya znat'! Ya imet'! Ya imet'," Maria shouted aloud. All of a sudden, she became silent. Her lips were shaking, even her hands. It's been like this since his dead whenever she is in the state of hysteria. She raised her head. Her emerald eyes were glittering. "Taichou.. I can never forget him.." she muttered as if she was in a dream.

"Yuri? He's died for more than a year! You can't accept me just because of him? That's not.."

"Stop it, Pavlov. Have respect on him! I wish he had never died. Don't you understand? He will forever be in my heart.." Maria could not hold her tears anymore. She turned away from him.

"Wait, Maria. I.." Pavlov tried to stop her but he could not. Maria could no longer hear his voice because another voice was ringing in her heart. She ran faster and faster up the stairs.

_"We'll forever be the best partners!"_ Maria could still remember Yuri holding her hands before he died. She felt as though her heart was going fall apart. How come? She thought that they would be together. All these were only her wish.. Now she had come here all by her own.. No family.. No even.. Love that had died long ago. She believed that she was incapable to have any feelings again until..

"After all, I'm no match with a dead man," Pavlov grinned dryly to himself.

Maria reached the door of her bedroom. She quickly took out her keys to unlock the door as if somebody was chasing her. She nervously tried all the keys but none of them seemed to fit the lock. She threw the keys on the floor. "Proklyat'e!"

_I must have looked pathetic in front of him. God! Why can't I control my tears? It's so dreadful to cry in front of him! Oh, what a bastard he is! Yes, he's so much of nonsense. He's always like that. All the things he said are rubbish! Yes, he must have been kidding. Why on earth would anyone love me? What am I? I'm just a bloody, spiteful assassin! Using blood in exchange for money?_ She smiled bitterly. _And what is he? A wolf in sheep's clothing.._

Slowly, she bent down to pick up her keys. She opened the door to her bedroom and slammed it. She leaned down on her bed. _Why am I so nervous? I nearly lost myself._ She tried to laugh at herself but she could not. As she gradually quiet down, she became much calmer. Different thoughts began to form in her head.

Fixing her jade eyes at on the ceiling, her tears forced their way out again. She closed her eyes and sighed. She counted how many times had she been crying in this room. _Maybe Ayame is right! I should not be here. Taichou would not want to see me cry. I know he doesn't. Why not leave here? But then I have to leave our promise. What can I do? Taichou.. I'll leave it to you. No, you have left me already. What can I do? If only I had followed you.. Why am I always lack of this kind of courage? "Because you're too weak.."_

KNOCK! KNOCK! "Maria.." the dreadful voice of Pavlov have again disturbed Maria in the midst of her thoughts. _Wouldn't he just give me a moment of silence? That's what I shall call a disgusting man._

"Give me a break, Pavlov." Maria sighed.

"Please, please, let me have my last words." Pavlov pleaded.

"You're invading my privacy again! Don't push me.. You'll be sorry for that."

"Please Maria, just open the door." Pavlov knocked several times on the door.

She took a piece of tissue to wipe off all her tears and took in a deep breath. She put her right hand in her pocket while using her left hand to open the door. Pavlov's dreadful face was just in front of her. Pavlov waved his hand.

"Don't even think about it," Maria said. She pulled her revolver out from her pocket. His face went white, as white as a sheet. Her emerald cold eyes stared at him in disgust. She raised her revolver so that the muzzle touched his forehead. "Ty sprashibaete eda," she muttered.

**_"Bang!"_******It seemed that time had stopped. A few pieces of hair fell on the ground. Yes, she shot him for the second time of the day. "You should thank him that you're still alive. Otherwise, you would have been with him already." Maria gave Pavlov the last stare and slammed the door.

Pavlov thought that a hole was going to be drilled on his head. Now with Maria gone, he was still standing at the door. In fact, he was so frightened that he just stood there without blinking his eyes.

Maria, on the other hand, felt much relieved as she returned to her room. She had a shower and put on her nightwear. She opened her locket and put it on the table. With a wry smile, she took out a bottle of vodka from under her bed, pouring out a glassful of vodka. "Ula!" she raised the glass to the picture of her beloved captain. That was just the same thing that she did with her comrades after they won in their wars.

She sipped a little bit of the wine in the glass. _What if one day I lost all my memories? Would it be much happier? But what about my memories with him, our promise and his.. _"Cough.. cough.. Oh, what am I thinking about? Come on! Stop all these thoughts, Maria Tachibana! I must be drunk." she snapped her own thoughts. She washed the remainder down her stomach. After putting back her vodka, she lied down on bed."Ya tibya lyublyu, Kapitan." She muttered as she grasped her pillow and dropped asleep. It was he whom she could never forget.

* * *

__

Author's notes:

Aishiteru(Jap) - I love you

Ya tibya lyublyu (Rus) - I love you

Da (Rus) -yes

Ya imet'(Rus) - I have

Proklyat'e (Rus) - damn it

Vi svolagivoegyt eda (Rus) - You ask for it

Ula (Rus) - cheers

Kapitan (Rus) - captain

Maria wore nightwear? No! She wore _nothing_ when she slept. (From episode 3 of ST1 when she woke up from her nightmare.) (Maria: How dare you go into my room when I'm sleeping?!)


	4. Freedom

Disclaimer: I don't own any Sakura Wars characters. This is just a fanfic and please don't take it seriously. However, if you want to, I can't and I won't stop you.

Author's notes: Two months have passed since I last posted this fic. Chapter 3 has been reposted for mistakes in the Russian transliteration. Ah, yes, thank you for you support. I'll work hard for Maria's sake!

I especially thank the ones who have been encouraging me by telling me that I should not lose my confidence because of competition. Thank you so much!

**Words in bold: Russian transliteration**

(Words in brackets: English meaning)

* * *

**Chapter 4 Freedom**

"Maria.. Maria.. **budit'** (wake up)."

"**Khto vy?** (Who are you?) **Kapitan? **(Captain?)"

"Maria, Maria, I'm here.."

"Where are you? I can't see you"

"Why? Why must you torture yourself? It hurts me."

"Where are you? **Kapitan**! (Captain!)"

"Maria, face the fact.."

"So where are you?"

"I'm here.."

"Let me follow you. **Kapitan**, don't leave me alone! Wait for me!"

"Live on with bravery, Maria."

"How can I live without you?"

"You can.."

Maria spun round. She saw the man, the one whom she missed so much. "**Kapitan**.." She took a step towards him. **_"Bang!"_** The man was shot from behind. The scene, the very much familiar scene, which marked her fate..

"**Net **(No)!!! **Kapitan**!!!!" Maria screamed. She woke up. _Another nightmare. Taichou.. Why? Why didn't you wait for me? If only I have the courage to follow you.. _

It was only half past five in the morning. Since she came here, she had never managed to sleep more than five hours. She put her locket in her hand and took out her revolver under the pillow. Those two were the only things that can recall her memories with him. She opened the locket. It was his picture, the smiling face of her beloved captain. She kissed it gently.

_Farewell, my love. Good-bye, my happiness. Farewell, my agony. Taichou, I won't cry anymore. Yes, crying is just a sign of weakness. I will be strong. I will live on, at least to wait for death, to wait for the time when I can be with you again._

She got dressed and picked up her gloves. Gloves had been an essence for her in Russia, but not really an essence in New York. She wore the gloves only in memories of him. She knew her tears were going to fall but she would not let them this time. She would be fine! Fine? Fine.. At least she thought so..

During those days after his death, she had been trying her best to make herself miserable. As miserable as she can, she deserved it.. or at least she believed that.. "Let bygones be bygones." That was what her comrades always told her. However, how could she? It was her error, her mistake, her fault.. It was all because of her.. she had thought of committing suicide but at that moment, she had promised him to live on, hadn't she? _I won't die.. (in my own hands..) _

The bare kind act of a stranger made her uncomfortable. She shouldn't get that merit. The best way to do is coating herself with a layer of ice, making herself an iceberg so that no one would go near her. Nobody.. except him maybe..

KNOCK! KNOCK! _He again? Wasn't he scared last night? _KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK! _Is he really in such a hurry? _"What the h.." she groaned as she reluctantly opened the door. She swallowed the words that followed when she saw the visitor. "Ah, good morning, Major."

"Won't you be quicker next time?" The man threw the cigarette end onto the floor. "Come on," he grasped Maria's arm and started to run. She nearly fell down because of that.

"What makes you in such a hurry? At least, let me lock the door first!" Maria struggled to get free.

"Shut up!" the man snapped her. He seized her arm even harder. They entered a dark alley where he threw her against the wall. He looked around to make sure that there was no one around. "What have you done?" he pressed her hard on her shoulder. She bit her lips. "Answer me! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?"

"I don't really understand, Major," she mumbled, turning her head sideways in order to avoid his brutal eyes. He held her by her collar, not allowing her to breathe, "I ask you 'WHAT HAVE YOU DONE'!"

"Major.." she gasped, "I don't know.." Short of breath, she coughed.

Outraged, he threw her on the ground. "Don't pretend," he said fiercely. He put his hand in his shirt, taking out his..

"Valentinov!"

He stopped. "Where have you gone? It's like hell without you there." His stony face turned into a smile in less than a second.

"In a while, sir," he said. He spun round and stared at the figure panting on the ground. "I'll deal with you later," he hissed. She raised her head. He bent down, holding her chin. "Don't you dare to go back! Wait here!" he growled.

Maria sat there and panted until she could breathe normally again. She had decided she would wait for him but would he come back? She would just wait and wait until he went back.

She was not so obedient before. Since when had she become so observant? She was almost submissive in front of him. When? Perhaps it started long time ago...

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"Major, this is the girl I talked about," said a twenty-year-old man. He pulled the girl who kept staying at his back. "Come on, Maria," he muttered to her, "You aren't so timid, I know."

The shy girl emerged from his behind, wearing her usual cold mask. The major sitting in front of the desk blew out a cloud of smoke. He leaned forward and frowned. "Your other sister?" he asked, pointing the cigarette towards the girl.

"No, major," answered the captain, loudly and clearly.

The major nodded. Having finished the cigarette, he pressed the stub into the ash tray. "Come here," said he, beckoning the girl forward. She made no move. He frowned, evidently displeased by her aggressive stare. She did not know why at the first sight, she hated him. Not only hatred but also mingled with scare.

As if for revenge, he looked daggers at her. "I don't like your expression," he hissed scornfully.

"Maria," the captain nudged her who was still having the same stares. "Maria!" he raised his voice. "I'm sorry, major. There's something wrong with her today," he caught Maria by her shoulder.

"It's okay," the major waved his hand; "I'll deal with her myself. Go out now."

"Yes sir," the captain nodded. He nodded not because he was willing to go but he knew he could not defy the major. He turned round to go but was held by the thirteen-year-old girl. "Be a good girl," he said softly. Her eyes begged him to stay but he could not. He gently pushed away her hand, went out of the room and shut the door.

He went out. At first, he leaned against the wall. After a minute, he did not hear any noise from inside. He stood outside the door patiently. Two more minutes passed. Still there seemed to be no movement inside. He started to pace up and down outside the room, trying hard to convince himself that nothing went wrong inside. Five more minutes passed. Still there was no noise. Maria did not come out. What happened? He felt urged to open the door but he knew what the consequence was. Hesitating whether to open it, he did not notice that someone has come up to him. She touched his shoulder. He nearly jumped at that.

"What are you doing here, Yuri?" she asked, pushing Yuri aside. "If you want to get in, turn the knob and.." she opened the door.

When the two of them saw the scene inside, they became speechless. Maria was lying on the ground with Valentinov on top. He was pointing his revolver at her forehead while Maria was holding hers against his chin. The two of them seemed to have had a fight. Valnetinov was clenching his fist while Maria was panting.

"What.. what the hell are you two doing?" Lumilla broke the awkward silence. The two on the floor still refused to withdraw their revolver.

"Maria, take it off," ordered Yuri. Realizing that the others were there, Maria withdrew her revolver and slid off. Valentinov stood up, patting his jacket. She went back beside Yuri.

Lumilla staggered towards Valentinov and touched his face. "What happened, dear?" said she, massaging his shoulder.

He flung himself into the chair and took out a cigarette. Lumilla helped to ignite it. He started to smoke. "Major, is it okay.." Yuri opened his mouth.

"Get out!" said Valentinov with disgust.

"Major.." Yuri insisted for an answer.

"**Kapitan**, I would like to leave now," said Maria.

"She's now under our command, Yuri," said Lumilla, hinting Yuri to leave before Valentinov exploded.

"Thank you, **sistra **(sister)" Yuri gestured to Lumilla and left with Maria.

A few minutes later, they were on the way back home. "Are you alright? You look so pale.."

"I'm okay," said she, smiling at him.

"Really," asked he with concern. He touched her shoulder.

"Ugh.."

"You're hurt, aren't you?" he stopped.

"I'm alright," she assured him.

"What happened?" he inquired.

"Nothing really," she smiled faintly, "Let's go home."

However, as they walked further, Maria felt as if she was getting heavier and heavier. Soon, the world seemed to whirl around and shortly, she fainted on the snowy land of Siberia.

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Author's notes: One of the scenes here is inspired by the cover of a game called "Phantom of Inferno". The same coldness.. I like it. 

_In response to Dillian : I must say I don't like Oogami.. As the author, there is a kind of negative inductive effect on the characters..(esp. those that are created by the author) As a result, well, you know what I mean.._

_In response to Haru Natsu : In fact, when I later on checked the episode 3 of ST1 again, Maria wears nothing when sleeping.. I'm sorry that I made such a mistake.. It's hard to say what kind of underwear she wears coz she's either naked or wearing her outer clothing in her CGs. (though I'm also a bit curious what she wear for her underwear..)(How dare I think of such things..)_


	5. Sin Vs Sincerity

Disclaimer: I don't own any Sakura Taisen characters. This is just a fanfic.

Author's notes: Cold weather enhances inspiration. I have to admit. Unfortunately, winter also means exam for me. It's hard to control inspiration, isn't it? It comes when I least expect it to yet goes when I need it the most. That must be the punishment from my dearest goddess for my previous thoughts.. Anyway, enjoy!

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**Chapter 5 Sin Vs Sincerity**

It was raining dogs and cats. Rain dropped onto the floor and splashed up. Her boots were web all over. Not only was her boots wet, but water was also dripping from her hair, the tip of her coat and her face. There it was the wet figure sitting on the floor.

"Why? You're still here?" Lumilla reached the alley, seeing that Maria was still sitting there. Holding the umbrella, she approached Maria and held the umbrella over her.

"I have to wait for him.." Maria replied as if she was in a dream. She buried herself in her knees.

"Him? Who is him?" The long haired, twenty-year-old woman asked.

_Him? Who is him? _The question repeated in Maria's heart. _Who do I mean?_

"Whoever you think he will be.." she replied with a dry smile.

"They told me you've been here the whole morning," said Lumilla. Yes, she had been in the rain for an hour, waiting for _him _who might have forgotten that she was still waiting. "Go home.. he won't return."

_He won't return, will he?_ She looked up. Her head was all wet and water drops were all over her face. Are they rain or her tears?_ He won't.. No, he won't.. _"Come on," Lumilla took Maria's right arm. The sixteen-year-old girl pushed her hand away. "Leave me alone! I'll wait for him!" she cried as she buried herself between her knees again.

The push was so forceful that Lumilla lost her balance on the slippery ground and fell on the floor. The umbrella was thrown on the ground and now, the victim was wet all over. She knew she would not be able to persuade the strong-willed girl; instead she took off her coat and threw it over the figure on the floor. The girl made no move. She picked up her umbrella and went away.

Lumilla cared for Maria? Was it out of sympathy or regret? Out of sorrow? For the sake of her past brother? Or out of guilt..? Only she herself knew. "If she ever finds out the truth, she'll absolutely strangle me.." she thought.

Stone-hearted, isn't she? He was her only brother! What had she done to him? Where on earth had her conscience gone? She did not know.. What she had she got left? Jealousy and regret? She did not mean to kill him, did she? _"Future is nothing one can predict.." _That's what he said. She thought she forecasted the outcome but the situation was nothing she could control. If only she had kept him home that day.. If only she had told him.. She had made the choice. She could not turn back the clock.. No one knew that her tears at his funeral were those mixed with agony, sin and regret. What could she do for him? To compensate her sin?

She started to run in the rain. Thunder and lightning would not stop her. Lumilla reached a pub, hesitated whether to go inside. Her conscience was urging her forward but her darker side was holding her. "Let her suffer. Kazuar deserves it," she thought.

"Get out!" shouted a man from inside, "You're blocking my way!"

_Who knows what a decision of jealousy and anger could have caused?_

"I.. I'm so sorry," said Lumilla. She made up her mind to go inside. She spotted the man she would like to find. "**Lubimaya! **(Darling!)" she shouted.

"**Izviníti,**" her target whispered to his customer. He hurried all his way to Lumilla. "Didn't I told you not to call me like this in the public?" he hissed.

"Ka.." she faltered.

"What's the matter?" he said impatiently, without looking at her.

"Ka.." she began but he interrupted.

"Why are you wet all over?" he glanced at her umbrella, "you're really.. got nothing to say." He sighed and went for a match to ignite a cigar.

"Kazuar.."

"That gal? You know what she had done?" he interrupted again upon hearing the name. The match dropped onto the floor. All his rage rushed up.

"She nearly.." she murmured.

"Nearly? She did shoot him!" he growled, fixing his eyes on her face.

"She's still waiting for you," she said.

"Let her wait. She deserves it! I still have work to be done," he turned to go.

"But at least, please, please tell her to go first. It's raining outside," she begged, grasping his cuff. He took off her hands.

"Strange. You care?" he smiled wryly. "Didn't you say: 'I don't care' at that time?" She had expected that yet he continued, "What a dilemma!"

"But.." she tried to explain.

"The one who caused her agony would care?" he continued to tease her.

"I didn't.." she wanted to defend yet explanation was useless for him.

"Guess who's that foul?" he said.

"I.." she took the chance to explain but then he would not stop.

"Yes, you're right!" he exclaimed

"I didn't mean to.."

"Of course, you didn't mean it for your brother, but for her!" he smiled evilly.

"I.." she gave up. She failed to convince even herself.

"Tell her to go yourself," he said and went away to entertain his customers.

Now how could she ever help Kazuar? The point is: would she ever want to help her if her conscience is at peace?

Maria got up from the floor. She could not just sit there and wait. _Why don't I go and find him myself? He'll never come back if I don't try to find him.. Yes, that's what I want to.. But where is he? What if I can't find him? Maybe he's in heaven and I'm going to the hell! _That was why she dare not commit suicide. Committing suicide would mean going to the hell. _But that doesn't make much difference, does it? My hands are full of blood and the hell is waiting for me.. _If only she remembered that someone has been waiting for her in the chapel..

She languished down the darkest corner of the ally. It has stopped raining and she was wet all over. She was freezing all over but she did not shiver a little. She was frozen from the inside. The thick cloud gave way to the sun. The rainbow appeared. The warmth of the rainbow seemed to be filling into her heart. Faintly, she saw him – the indistinct figure of her dearest captain, waiting in front of her. _Is this my illusion? Illusion or not, I'm not going to let him go this time._

She began to run towards him. The faster she ran, the further away he seemed to be away from her. She felt that she was just a few inches from him but unfortunately, she fell down. He stretched out his hand for her. She tried her best to reach the hand but it seemed that her energy was all gone. He smiled as he always did. The image drifted away.

"No.. don't.. please bring me also.." she cried desperately. No matter how hard she screamed, he would not stop. Even though she knew that it was all her imagination, her illusion, she could not help. _Even if this is just a dream, I would not want it to end. _No longer did she want to move. Grievance conquered her heart again..

"Maria, Maria?" She heard a faint voice calling her. Maria opened her eyes. "Thank God! You wake up.." It was Pavlov. "Thanks be to this lady who found you in the corner of the ally.." Maria followed his hand and found Ayame.

"Fujieda-san.." said Maria who was reminded of their appointment. Her head ached as she said those words.

"It seems that I'm not needed anymore. Then, excuse me," saying those words, she went out of the door.

"Wait.." Maria could not even afford to speak loud. She tried to get up from bed but she did not seem to have enough energy to. She managed to move her head but a towel fell onto her eyes and blocked her vision.

"You had better take a rest," Pavlov pushed her down, putting back the towel on her head. "You've been having a fever the whole day," he yawned. "Fortunately, it's gone coz of the professional care by Miss Fujieda. I'll take a nap in the chair. Call me if you need anything."

"Why? Don't you even mind?" she tried her best to say those words.

"Mind what? I'm not your prince. I understand.." said Pavlov.

_Why? Why has he changed so drastically?_

* * *

Author's notes: Apparently I am affected by the songs that I've been listening to recently.. That's why the development is becoming a bit awkward. (Just a bit?) Well, extremely awkward..

Anyway, Merry Christmas, Maria! (Today's the Orthodox Christmas, which is also the Christmas in Russia.)

Thank you for reading.


	6. Interlude Moments

Disclaimer: I don't own any Sakura Taisen characters. Any plot familiar to you is just a coincidence.

Author's note: Yuri's death is not a coincidence. I mean except the interference of Valentinov. Well, in my fic, it isn't. The reason is that I swore, at the time when I knew the true relationship of Maria and Yuri, that I would do something to him. (Okay, I admit that I am a little bit vindictive.) That's it. Enjoy

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**Chapter 6 Interlude -- moments**

The rain had stopped. He stood in front of his door. A woman wearing red gloves rushed by his door. He shivered. Red gloves reminded him of the shot the night before.

"I'm too sensitive.. too sensitive.." he muttered to himself. He turned about to return home.

"Mr. Hippolyte Pavlov!"

"It must be my illusion.. illusion only.." he thought, "I must be thinking of her too much.."

"Wait.. Mr. Pavlov!"

He slowed down. "It sounds real.. Oh my gosh! There must be something wrong with my mind!" he thought.

"Please help, Mr. Pavlov.."

He spun round and saw Ayame, with a familiar figure over her shoulder. "I'm sorry, you're Miss.." he tried hard to speak out the name

"Fujieda Ayame," she replied, "Maria's sick."

He moved towards Ayame intending to help her but then he stopped. "What does that concern me?" he said coldly.

"Mr. Pavlov.." said Ayame, surprised.

"Bring her to Valentinov. He'll take care of her," he whispered.

"Is her room upstairs?" she kept herself calm.

"And so?" he continued to pretend.

"Help me with her," she said.

"Take her to Valentinov!"

"I thought that you really love her.." she muttered as if speaking to herself.

"Even so, she's not going to pay back with her love.." he murmured.

"You have no right to love her!" she said sternly.

"Neither do you have the right to tell me so!" If Ayame were a man, he would probably beat her up.

"I've made it wrong, Mr. Pavlov.." Ayame turned to leave, "I thought that you would treasure her through anytime, in any condition.."

"What can I do? Captain Yuri? I'm not Valentinov! How can I devote myself to someone who doesn't love me?"

"If that's your so-called 'love'.."

His face darkened. It seemed that he was then much aware of the word "love". He did not know why.. What is love really like? He did not know.. Yes, he had no right to love her.. Give up? Giving up meant being a coward.. yet going on meant insult! _Who said that anyone in love would lose all their senses? I'm the one who won't! **You have no right to love her!**_ Ayame's words kept ringing up in his mind. As a friend of hers, he shouldn't be like this yet had she ever treated him as a friend? A friend would try to fire him? What else could he do? What if she tried to kill him once more? He had already told him about his feeling and what did he get in return? A bullet!

"Mr Pavlov, if a bullet could have broken away all you love, you really have no right to love! Coz you don't understand what exactly love is!"

"Don't need her…" he whispered, "I don't need her affectation!" he shouted hysterically. Yes, exactly with his rank, he could have had anything he wanted.

"Why do you confess then?"

Pavlov remained silent. That reminded him.. Why did he choose to stay by her side as her partner? Why did he give up the chance from his uncle? With the insult the night before, he could have easily set her to death without even a word.. Yet, why did he defend her in front of his uncle?

"If you are unable to say, I shall tell you the reason: you yawn for her affection!"

His face was as white as a sheet. Ayame decoded his words, revealed his every secrets.

She continued. "I don't understand, Mr. Pavlov.. Do you know it's hard to find someone whom you truly love? Why do you give up.. Why don't you sympathize this poor girl?" Her voice sounded so pleading that his heart softened. "Come on, Mr. Pavlov. This sick girl needs our care.."

No reply was needed. Action was the best response. He was convinced by Ayame.. Once again, his resentment was conquered by sympathy. He took over Maria, surprised to find how cold her body was. He ran upstairs. For the first time in his life, he realized, he wanted to be her knight, even for only a moment..

Lumilla took in the third glass.. Valentinov reminded her of that.. Even though she wanted to forget about it, she could not.. She was guilty of it.. Had she told her brother.. Now, the only thing she wanted was to drown it all with Vodka.. A moment of peace would be fine..

* * *

Author's Notes: After such a long time, a new short chapter is written... In fact, there is a background music for this fic.. If you have it... It is the acoustic version of Moments by Ayumi Hamasaki... I think that the theme is similar to this chapter... 


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